Self-Injury
It’s been a while since I last cut myself. I don’t remember the exact date, but I know that it was before my most recent hospitalization. I still can’t believe that I haven’t self-injured for so long even though do feel like doing it. I know what will happen if I do. Other people will just make accuse me of things. Mainly saying that I enjoy being miserable. Why would anybody be willing to stay miserable? This is how I really feel about self-injury.
I can say why I started to cut myself at least. I felt like no one wanted anything to do with me and that just made me hate myself so much. I felt like I was worthless and questioning what was wrong with me. I still feel that way at times, but I refuse to act on those thoughts and feelings. It’s easy to lose it when you live a meaningless life. I hate thinking like a do so much. What can I do about it though?
I’m keeping track of when I cut myself now. Just so I can keep track of the last time I’ve done it. I know that this isn’t healthy and I plan on keeping it a secret. That’s the purpose of the wristband I’m wearing. Is it obvious though? I don’t know, but I don’t want to keep it a secret. It’s not like I can cause any real harm to myself anymore. I’m not a danger to myself.
Weather is a huge factor on how I cut myself. That’s why I know that this winter is going to be hard to deal with. How often will I cut myself when the weather gets colder? This is going to be huge challenge for me. I hope that I get stronger at that time. Fall is about to start and winter will be here in 3 short months. You can tell how excited I am. Why do I harm myself and why don’t I get any satisfaction out of it anymore.
I finally made my next step! I threw everything that I use to cut myself in the trash. Now I know that won’t get rid of the urges completely, but at least I’m strong enough to fight those feelings. I won’t let my self-injury control me anymore! It’s now time to move forward and prove to everyone that recovery is important to me. I’m going to tell my therapist everything. That should make it easy to understand why I think and feel the way I do.
Kid:
If you’re not cutting yourself now, I wouldn’t advise starting again for any reason, because it’ll start a whole cycle of self-harm and intervention by others that doesn’t make you feel better.
At least you know what you’re feeling: worthless, wrong, strong self-hate. Those are symptoms of depression.
It’s possible that if you experiment with other medications, you might find one or two that give you more relief from these feelings than the medications you’re taking do. Also, finding a therapist who will remind you every week or twice a week about what’s good about you can be very helpful, in conjunction with making some plans about concrete goals you can pursue and the steps you need to take in order to reach those goals.
I’m hurting myself at present by eating until my clothes don’t fit anymore. (I’m not suggesting this.) I also stay in the house, even when it’s very nice outside. It’s hard for me to believe that I’ll find anything outside that’s more interesting than staying here inside.
A good part of the eating is a result of the anti-depressants that give me massive apetite. I’ve gained 24 pounds.
i used to try to do the same thing, but it just ended up perpetuating my self-injury because it kept it on my mind longer. i have no idea when the last time i cut was. a few years ago, maybe?
I quit five years ago, still sometimes feel like doing it.
But i dont, i refuse to go back to that hell.
Have you tried naltrexone? Look it up. It worked for me, and it might work for you too. Its an it blocks opioids that are released when you hurt yourself. It basically discourages the behavior. Since I started naltrexone, I haven’t cut in over a year, and only have to take it when I have an urge. Maybe consider it for urges.
Hi,
I know exactly what you’re going through. I cut myself, but only deep enough to feel the pain, not deep enough to leave any heavy scarring. I know I should stop, but I don’t want to. It’s not so much as an addiction as it is a way out of reality. I’m not encouraging you to start up again, but I do understand why you did it and why you might want to again.
so sorry im just trying to understand… how can say that you know what this person is going trough…? isn´t it different from person to person?
(im not meaning it in a bad way… just want to know)
it is definitely different for every person
hey, i do it to, i can’t stop i’ve been doing it for years it feels like it’s the only thing that will make me happy but people tell me it’s not, i’m usually not very open about it but i have to tell you that if you can stop never start again because it will just suck you back in and you won’t be able to get back out, trust me
Can I just say what a relief to find someone who actually knows what theyre talking about on the internet. You definitely know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people need to read this and understand this side of the story. I cant believe youre not more popular because you definitely have the gift.
You aren’t alone. I promise that you aren’t.
I know that if more people tell you to stop, the more you’re going to want to do it.
It’s okay to slip, you just have to pick yourself up again.
I’m proud that you threw them all away, it shows true strength even if you regret it at times.
I know you don’t know me, but that’s not what this is about.
Just know, once again, that you aren’t alone.
Just like what Lex said “its okay to slip”……Just take it one day at a time!! I am!
First off – I can’t say I know what you’re going through. Everyone’s story and situation is different. But, I can say I have been a cutter. Even though I have been cut free for a year and a half, I have worse urges than ever. I think it’s a hell I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life, but such is the road I chose when I first made that cut. If you ever need or want to talk, I’m here.